The Darwin Awards recognize individuals who remove themselves (spectacularly) from the gene pool; the Razzies toss brickbats at the worst that Hollywood has to offer. These collected interview disasters are our nod to the “Gigli’s” and loaded-shotgun-to-the-scrotum’s of the world.

Stupid is as bicuspid does
“The job candidate was waiting on the couch in reception…there was a fruit bowl on the little table in front of him. He took a piece and bit in…but it wasn’t what he had in mind, so he put it back. Of course our receptionist saw what happened and shared the story”.

MORAL: Your first impression starts in the elevator.

Bermuda jack-ass
“One guy showed up for an interview in running shorts, yellow socks, sneakers, a skateboard and a t-shirt that said ‘Don’t mind me, I’ve had too much coffee’”.

MORAL: There are no casual fridays when you don’t have the job. Research the dress code. Cat hair is your enemy.

Waft this way
“We had a candidate who smelled like hockey equipment. We weren’t casting for Survivor”.

MORAL: Don’t stink. Simple eh? Don’t shower in cologne either. Spray once with a dab behind the ears. Use talc on your palms if you tend to sweat. The ‘dead fish’ handshake is awful.

Like, oh my God
“We asked a candidate what she liked in a job, she replied, ‘Well, I don’t like when I get in trouble for being a few minutes late, I don’t like when people are rude on the phone. I can’t stand it when people talk about me and gossip behind my back, and I hate it when companies expect you to work late all the time.”

MORAL: Surly, negative people only get hired by the Department of Motor Vehicles.

A dead ringer
“I was stunned when a shrill ring interrupted my interview. The candidate whipped out a cell phone and began chatting away.”

MORAL: Step AWAY from the electrical device. Even a vibrating Blackberry is distracting.

You’re toast, Rain Man
“Perhaps it was the spring weather but something inspired my candidate to stare out the window – even while speaking to me.”

MORAL: Learn to interact with human beings who hold purse strings. Look them in the eye when you do. Even technical roles like developers need ‘comm’ skills.

Discretion is the better part of vomit
“The interview was going fairly well – until the candidate blacked out. Turns out he hadn’t been feeling well all week. The VP of Sales had to get him a cold cloth and some water”.

MORAL: The interviewer will appreciate your dedication if you show up with a slight sniffle. However, if you’re really ill, rescheduling the appointment is a better option than passing out.”

‘Destiny’ won’t get you the job
“My office is near the top of a big corporate tower. When I left the room the candidate took pictures of the view with his digital camera. Then he tried to entertain me with photos of his friend’s stag.”

MORAL: Work anecdotes are good. Stripper anecdotes? Not so much.

Desperate times don’t call for desperate measures
“After the interview, the candidate called 12 times, leaving messages to ask when she’d hear back. Then she left some more messages—and samples of her favourite songs.”

MORAL: Follow up a few days after the interview. Do so once no matter how much you want the job.

The wrong kind of offer
“One guy sent a follow-up e-mail asking if the pretty lady who interviewed him was married. He followed it up with some virtual roses and asked her out.”

MORAL: Office romances can be tricky at the best of times. Trying to start one before you’ve even gotten the job is the kiss of death.